Too right.. so no need to apologise at all. Americans!
If you haven't done so already go to your Visual Pinball\Vpinmame folder and open setup.exe, click the Setup Defaults button there and select the options you want as defaults (so i guess External DMD, cabinet mode and clear Show DMD/Display - but i'm not a real dmd user). Those settings will then be applied to any new table roms when you use first use them.
I assume you loaded the game from PinballX, are you trying to exit with buttons or via keyboard?, most people will set the exit emulator option to the same as the exit option in pinballx keyboard or joystick settings, but not sure what key or button number you're using.
Btw- Visual Pinball can work in portrait mode, it's just that 99% of the tables will come preconfigured for landscape. That can be adjusted in the VP editor for each table using the backdrop XY rotation setting (change it from 270 to 0 for portrait). There is a cheat you could use there using an autopov.pov file in the tables folder, but read about that later - best to manually adjust stuff for a while to get to know your way around.