New definition of alcohol abuse

[Draco1962]

I put in a solid days work, come home, and think to myself "Self, you put in a solid day's work. You deserve a Guinness..." to which I proceed to open the bottle, only to have the top of the bottle shear off with a jagged edge and slice the inside base of my thumb with the bottle. Needless to say, I didn't get my Guinness fix.

[AlphaUMi]

Man, you were so eager to drink that bier... I guess you have the biceps and grip of Schwarzenegger...

Sorry that you got hurt! But nonetheless you drank that bier, anyway?

[Draco1962]

Nah - had to pour it out. Didn't want to chance cutting up my insides!

[Kustom Kid]

Hopefully you had backups in the fridge.

[Draco1962]

Nope, that was the last of the "soldiers." There was a can of Bud Light, which I did drink, but doesn't compare to the heartiness that is Guinness.

[nullPointer]

A bit too hardy in this case! I'm a Guiness man myself. Visitors to my house know that they're welcome to any beer they find in the fridge unless it's the last Guinness.

[Draco1962]

As it should be - never drink the last of the host's premium brew!

[celly]

You're so strong, I'd hate to see how you open a Capri Sun pouch. I'm a Guinness and Newcastle kind of guy myself so i understand the agony and heartache you must have felt dumping that down the drain.

[nullPointer]

You're so strong, I'd hate to see how you open a Capri Sun pouch.

This had me rolling! Seriously though, this is how Draco normally opens his brew:

[Tempest]

What a pussy. I've had worse paper cuts than that.

[Draco1962]

It's actually worse than it looks. I've got a lemon for your next paper cut, Tempest!

[headkaze]

I would send off those pictures to Guinness in the hope they'll send you back a years supply for free

I love Guinness but it's expensive over here so I only buy it for the occational treat. Kilkenny aint bad either although it's alot lighter than the creamy full flavour of Guinness.

[Draco1962]

I sent them an email with pics and got a phone call with a case number earlier today! It will be interesting to see where it goes.I could handle a years supply - might have to kick out a kid to make room for it.. decisions, decisions....

[Adultery]

What is this the Guinness Penis Stroking thread now? LOL!

You deserve that cut for drinking shitty beer!!!!

[Draco1962]

LOL! I won't be stroking anything for a bit. And what do you call that sorry excuse for horse piss you drink?

[Adultery]

A flavor explosion not flavored with bong er I mean bog water? LOLOL!

Or should I say... Liquid AWESOME?????

Wow look at me! I can make a four leaf clover in my horse manure based liquid pork chop! Chicks will love me as I puke up black tar after the night's over! LOL!

All prodding aside, Guinness sucks.

[Krakerman]

You got to get more creative Draco. Wasting a beer is a penalty ... that is why we have colanders in our kitchen for not just to rinse the pasta in but to catch all the glass that we break from our mishandling of beer bottles. We forgive you thou somebody get that man a band-aid and another brew before he hurts himself again.

[Tempest]

Maybe I should send Staples an e-mail with a picture of my next paper cut. I can't wait to get a free box of paper!

[Draco1962]

Or maybe they will start a new program of tracking missing persons and yours will be the first face to grace a paper box?

[Tempest]

Note to all: If I come up missing, have the authorities check out Draco's place.

[Draco1962]

He'll be in the paper box.. .Oops! Did I say that?

[Draco1962]

OK, now for an update. I will be contacted in the next few days by the local distributor. For my beer loss and "paper cut" they are coming to my home to pick up the broken bottle and, in exchange for the bottle and my troubles, giving me a 12-pack of Guinness Draught!

[Adultery]

What? That's it? You should offer to sue, bet they will be happier to make that offer more appealing.

And by more appealing, I mean not shit flavored bong water. LOL!!!!!!

[Draco1962]

That coming from someone that drinks Heiney-kins? That has shit-flavor all over it! It is so crappy they put it in skunky green bottles!

[Adultery]

Well at least I can't stand up a spoon in it! LOL!

If I wanted a drink with the thickness of a milkshake I'd go to Sonic, not the bar!!!