Girls, or at least A girl..

[hansolo77]

Ok, so lets say you have a crush on a girl at work. You're 31, she's 18. While most people will look at that as being a problem, the more mature people seem to think 'if you both like each other who cares?'. It's been 6-8 months worth of flirting, big smiles, blushing, everything. Then you finally decide you're going to ask her out. Find out you both have a day off together. When you go up to ask her, she says she has plans, "going to be at the hospital all day because my friend's having her baby." Now.. would you take that as being true, or that she really doesn't want to make/have time for you? I mean, sure..she COULD be at the hopsital all day, but baby's come when they want and not on a predetermined schedule that will take all day. And it's not even HER baby, why would she be there, and not the mother's family (maybe they'll be there too, I dunno)? So to me, I'm getting mixed messages and need a little advise. Should I try again or just leave it as a lost cause? She'll be working the rest of the week, so I won't have another free day to something with her; and then she'll be on vacation all next week, preventing me from seeing her. What are your thoughts?

[Adultery]

First off both my kids were scheduled c-sections. It happens more than you think... Doc says we'll do this at 8:30 am. Scheduled delivery.

If she's a good friend she'll wanna be there. That's a +1 for her character. I'd steer clear of an 18 y.o. though. Been there done that wouldn't do it again. Same goes for strippers.

[Draco1962]

Absolutely! She obviously has much more time and emotion invested in her girlfriend than she does you at this point and even if the two of you were an item, that is not something I would even dream of saying to my significant other unless there was something more pressing going on with me (i.e., dying, on fire, something like that). I also agree with Adultery on the issue with the age. 18-25 has no clue yet what they want out of a relationship. That is not to say nothing could come of it, but having been there myself and burned terribly emotionally, etc., I would strongly caution against it.

[hansolo77]

Yeah, given the way things are right now, I really just wanna play it cool for a while. The age thing has been my biggest hurdle and why I haven't asked her out sooner. I've been arguing with myself for months, thinking she'll feel grossed out by the idea. But then the other side of the coin is that everybody at work knows I've liked her for a long time, have been wanting me to ask her out, and are constantly checking with me to see if I've done it yet. It's been a hard thing for me to get up the courage to do. Granted, she didn't just say 'NO!' so I may still have a chance, just bad timing. So I'm just gonna let it sit and stew for awhile.

[Kustom Kid]

As a wise man once said, or maybe it was George on Cheers, "Women. Can't live with 'em...pass the Beernuts."

18 year olds stop being interesting after about 2 weeks. Even when I was 18 they were more annoying than anything. If you have to date young I'd stick around 23 and up. At that age she probably has the partying out of her system and might be working on getting her life straight, but can still cut loose when the time calls for it.

[simbamame]

I also agree with all the above and have also done that been there got the t shirt and heart ache to go with it, i would take KK advice and go for around the 24 year old, i once dated a 24 year old who had a kid she was awesome he was a brat, but she knew what she wanted and where she was going !.

[Draco1962]

Do youself a favor - DO NOT DATE ANYONE AT WORK! Also, do not involve anyone at work in your relationships, potential or otherwise. 9 times out of 10, they don't really care about your best interest and are only looking to spectate (and sometimes stoke) the fires of any drama that comes about.

[hansolo77]

Yeah I know all these advices. Not much help guys! She's kind of a special case though. We don't really work together, as we're in separate departments at a grocery store (she's in Starbucks, I'm in the deli). So it's not really like we're working together. I know that advice; if you break up or something you still have to see each other at work, yadda yadda yadda. I've always respected that advice too. Trouble is, my 'away from work' life is pretty much nonexistant, so I would just about HAVE to date somebody I can see at work. Other things of interest about her... I think she's actually 19, and going to be 20 in February. When I first started working here, she was a Cashier, with a blue badge (gold is 14-15, red is 16-17, blue is 18+). I've been here 2.5 years. So she might even be 21. Regardless, age is not really an issue. When people look at me, they think I'm like 25 or something, and I act like I'm still 16. As for her personal dating life, I know for a fact that she's been single ever since I met her when I first started. I'd have to pry to find out why she's been single, but I would have to venture a guess that is either because of her shy personality, or because she appears unobtainable. For the longest time I figured she'd been with people because she's practically the cutest girl in the store, and has gotta be dating somebody because of it. She's extremely shy, super quiet, and apparently very interested in me. I say this because I've watched her (secretly) and seen the way she reacts when people talk to her. As soon as she see's me, she smiles with a huge grin and starts blushing. She doesn't do that to anybody else. She teases me almost everyday (I have to go to her department to borrow their markdown printer, and if she's using it she likes to pretend it's a pain for me to use). Everybody knows I like her, and quite a few people have even told me they know a secret about me... Her aunt and uncle also work at the store in different departments (aunt as a cashier, uncle as head dairy). Her aunt knows I like her, has told me numerous time's that she's single and that I should ask her out. So I mean, it's just overall everybody and everything is telling me to just GO FOR IT. I've been single my entire life. I have 'no game' and don't have the experience or knowledge on how to handle asking a girl out. Add to that my past history of Depression and Anxiety. It's very hard for me to get up the courage to ask, even though everybody's been hounding me to do (and from the sounds of things, they know that she's waiting for me to). So when I finally do, she's got plans. As soon as I found out, my heart sank and the depression kicked in. Right away I felt like it's all over, that I shouldn't keep trying. But then after some mellow out time, I realized she didn't really say 'no' and that I didn't even really ask her out. It's more like a "strike one" in a game of baseball. To put it more precisely though, it's more like a "ball one" since I didn't ask her. I just asked her if she had plans, not if she wanted to go out. And she didn't ask 'why?' to my question of if she had plans. So I guess from her point of view, she may have thought it was just an innocent question of what she's doing, not really reading between the lines and realizing I was full blown ask her out. So hopefully she truely DID have plans, and I may still have a shot. I'll have to wait though until after she comes back from vacation. I don't want to look like a poor desperate puppy, constantly bugging her.

Eh?

[Adultery]

*^True dat! I'm guilty of the occasional prod myself.

Han: You're nuts man. I'm just saying...

1) Awkward for her at work (and you).

2) She's single for a reason. Don't bullshit yourself man, it's not because she's "shy" or "unattainable".

3) You're my boy and all, but she's out of your league based on the age thing alone.

4) Pretty girls do not make good relationship material.

5) She probably let you down easy but I won't say 100% on that. If she did, don't go getting all "stalker" on her.

I know you're gonna do what ya do, so go for it man, just be ready to get rejected (eventually she won't be so nice about it). You can't put yourself out there and not expect to get your heart stepped on. Trust me, she'll step on it eventually. They all do.

/me apologizes: quitting smoking sucks! Chantix Day 5!

[headkaze]

Wow she's pretty hot. So what's the update on this hansolo?

[hansolo77]

You don't wanna know

Ok I'll spill the beans. Let's see, where to start...

Turns out, she really DID have plans that day, and really DID spend the day at the hospital with her friend. So for a couple of days after that, I was pretty cool about everything. Then on Friday, I got a little bit more bolder. Since I knew she was going on vacation, I didn't really plan on doing anything else about her until after she got back. But on Friday, there a was a moment of weakness for me, when we were both in the break room together. So I was just talking to her as friends and everything, and didn't really go anywhere with it. Then I hit 'the snag'. We started talking about her vacation, and I asked her if she had any plans to do something fun. I was like "Are you going to Virgina Beach or anything like that?" She did her typical blushing laugh and chuckled a "No nothing like that, I'll probably just lay around home all week." So I said, "Well, if you want, we could go catch a movie or something" And her immediate response was "With YOU?!!!" And I said "Well, you gotta do something on vacation, not just be bored to death at home all week." And she said "Yeah, you're right..." And that was the end of it. I didn't bring it up anymore after that, figured that was enough of a hint. The biggest hint bomb I've ever dropped in my life. Her reaction was kinda awkward, and I spent a few days wondering what she meant by it; was this an 'Oh My God, get real' like disgusted response, a just flat out surprised and sudden response? Since she was on vacation, I couldn't really know. I only hoped she would contact me, and then I would know. I didn't hear anything for awhile, so I went up to one of her co-workers and asked if she had talked to her at all about me. She asked why, and I said I sorta asked her out. She then told me in a 'nice' way of letting me down easy... "You're not really her type." So I asked why, and she said "Well, based on the kinda guys she's dated in the past, she seems to prefer guys a little.....darker.....if you catch my meaning." I'm like.....okay...... Then she said "and besides, aren't you like twice as old as she is? That's a little creepy..." and I said "not really, you're dating a guy who's 12 years older than you..." (we're only like 13 years apart...) When I said that, she kinda took it back and said the age thing probably wouldn't be my problem, but that the whole 'race' thing most likely would be my cripple.

And so that's where I stand... I haven't seen her back from vacation yet to get her to say one way or the other. I'm thinking right now my best option is to just take what the other girl said, and just leave it at that. Still flirt with her and be close friends and all.. But if she's into black guys (like damn near all girls are anymore) I don't want to make a fuss and put her in a situation where she'd be at all unconfortable with me.

So yeah, I think I'm going to take up drinking.. I quit smoking because it didn't make me feel better. I've never drank even a sip of beer in my life. Maybe it'll be my girlfriend.

[Adultery]

Black people? What? That's funny! A new one on me for sure! Who does this bitch think she is, Julia Styles?

Week #2 almost done of not smoking, and not drinking... It's not worth it my friend. Don't pick up that bottle!

That dimer on the other hand... Diff'rent story.

[Tom Speirs]

Something Ive learnt: If you like someone dont tell anyone unless you completely trust them, especially work colleagues and the person in question is at work. Keep it to yourself unless something comes of it. You dont have to treat them mean but at least be cool.

[hansolo77]

Thanks Tom, I'll take your advice to heart.

I'm off work today and tomorrow, and she's now going to be off when I get back. Don't know what next week's schedule is yet. It's just getting too complicated.

Adultery, I'll probably never drink. I've been old enough to buy it for 10 years, and never have. Been old enough to drink it (even if illegally) even longer. I know what it does to people, and I don't want it to happen to me. Besides, I can't stand the smell. It was just a joke, I assure you.

[headkaze]

Guys are notoriously bad at picking up signals from women (good or bad). They don't come with a handbook and they can be a head **** at times. Anyway I think you did the best thing by asking her friend because you can get a female perspective into your compatibility. Of course the only bad side is she will hear about it but that can also be a good thing too. As long as you own the situation like you don't care she knows. Who knows she might grow out of the black thing and want a more mature man. Personally I find younger women a turn off because of their immaturity. You probably wouldn't realise how incompatible you are until you dated for a while. But young women can be really annoying so you're probably doing yourself a favour!

[Draco1962]

What's wrong with just being her friend? Go hang out somewhere with no expectations other than hanging out with someone. Who knows? Maybe she has a friend a little closer to your age that doesn't care about the age or color of the turkey meat and may be willing to eat from your platter! I have found the best way to get a girl's attention is by not giving them the attention they expect. I have gotten more dates hanging out with a bunch of friends, meeting girls that came along and not fawning over them or drooling or showing overt signs of interest. "Hey nice to meet you... and (looking back at other friend) so you were saying?..." Not saying be a total douche bag towards them, but don't trip over your tongue trying to get from meet to date either.

[hansolo77]

Yeah, I've only just recently become intrested in her in any romantic sense. We're friends to the best way possible by being co-workers. It'd be cool if she ever DID want to hang out. I'm looking for more, but I think as long as I don't scare her away, I'm cool with being her friend too. It just sucks that it's always been that way with me. If you ever look at my friends on Facebook, all of the girls there are girls I tried to date, but ended up just being friends with. They're all married now, with kids, and half of them are unhappy. From my own point of view, I'm not any worse off than I was when I first started dating girls. At least being single has granted me more money, more 'me' time, and less stress/heartache. Granted, I'd LOVE to meet that special girl who'd rather die than be with anybody else but me. But chances are, at my age, I'm pretty much lost. Everybody says my standards are too high. Cause I'm looking for girls that are intelligent, pretty, and preferrably virgin (although not being one is ok, as long as they don't have kids). For the longest time I felt that a woman who's not a virgin is just gross and I'm "seconds". If somebody else has already been there, then that means theres room to judge my own abilities, thus adding to something they can stress on me. Now its getting to the point where girls have had it by the time they're 12, and the chances of me finding somebody that meets my requirements are probably never going to happen.

[Draco1962]

I have to say that you are way over-thinking this subject. There is no perfect girl or guy. Just the one that is right for you. Not saying you have to settle for less than what you want, so long as what you want is realistic. From what you have posted as the perfect girl, I would say unrealistic. I get the impression that you set the bar high enough that nobody will meet your expectations and, therefore, you don't have to worry about taking the risk and being hurt. You are worried about being compared to others and falling short so by putting up all of these conditions, you don't have to worry about it happening. You seem like a good guy, but you really need to man-up and face the risk of rejection if you ever expect to have someone special in your life.

[hansolo77]

Ouch.

But your right. That's why I said I think my standards are too high. I'm sure I'll meet the right girl someday. I'm not too worried about it. In a way, I'm getting to the point where I'll take just about anybody, if they're at least interested in me. I'm not going to go out to singles bars, or hit on every person I see though.

[Draco1962]

Just calling it as I see it. Been there myself and have the nappy t-shirt to prove it. It wasn't until I started sticking my neck out that decent folk noticed. There is something to be said for not giving a frak what the world thinks. Girls like confidence.

[Rupert]

there's plenty of fish in the sea. But there's also sharks, seaweed, and toxic waste and an oil spill. )